International Climate Activist Greta Thunberg to Study Economics

Greta Thunberg credits Donald Trump’s treasury secretary, Steve Mnuchin, with inspiring her to go to college and study economics. In a hastily called press conference held last night on the steps of the Swedish parliament building where Thunberg spends most Fridays protesting climate change, she announced that she will be ceasing her activism efforts immediately in order to devote herself full time to preparing for a degree in economics.

“Mr. Mnuchin was right,” said a subdued Thunberg. “I am not qualified to lead this movement. I am in no position to respond intelligently to arguments that my demand for public and private sectors to divest from fossil fuel companies is naive and uninformed. My stock response—that it doesn’t take a college degree in economics to realize that our remaining 1,5° carbon budget and ongoing fossil fuel subsidies and investments don’t add up—I don’t know if that’s true or not. Maybe they do add up, but because I don’t have a degree in economics, I can’t honestly say one way or the other.”

In closing, Thunberg said, “I’m just a doom-and-gloom kid with too much free time on her hands. No one should listen to me until I graduate from college with a degree in economics.”

Asked how Mnuchin, who has been variously described as reptilian and creepy, managed to persuade the young Swede to change course, Thunberg shrugged. “He had a playful tone of voice and a twinkle in his eye when he suggested it at the recent annual meeting of the World Economic Forum,” she said. “I found him quite compelling.” Thunberg admitted she was taken aback at first when yet another adult she’d never heard of before insulted her in public. “But after I had some time to calm down and think about it,” she said, “I realized he was right. Why should anyone take me seriously?”

According to Thunberg, since Mnuchin learned of her change of heart, he has offered to be her mentor, tutor, whatever she needs. “He really wants me to become the best economist I can be.”

Thunberg assured the shocked crowd that her commitment to saving the planet remains as strong as ever. “All that’s standing between the current environmental crisis and a solution is me getting my degree in economics. Once I have that, Mr. Mnuchin and the others will have to listen to me.”

Until then, Thunberg is asking her millions of supporters from around the world to #WaitForGreta.